Ayla, 

Your paragraph looks pretty good. I think we should put my paragraph first, and then yours because my paragraph ties a bit into yours in a general sense, so it would help build off each other to have mine introduce your point in a way. Also, I removed the part "In today's culture" from my paragraph since yours said that as well, so therefore we aren't being redundant.

Kait,

Your paragraph is on private, so I can't see it! Can't wait to read it. I agree that our paragraphs are long, but I think that's a pretty okay problem to have as long as we just keep our introduction and conclusion pretty to the point.



For the introduction, maybe something that says something along the lines of:

"In the age we live in today, the internet and social media are essential to most lives. This brings about the problem of whether sharing information and photographs about other's lives is right. However, it should not be seen as so acceptable because it puts children at risk (????), damages careers, as well as reputations from the over-sharing and lack of care from others."

(That's a pretty rough draft. I would love your girls' input about it, and would love suggestions.)

Good luck on both of your last week of classes!!